The Twilight Saga 5: Midnight Sun (Twilight #2) - Page 16

I was flowing through the forest effortlessly. Running like this was something that I did on a daily basis. Even after all these years, it was still invigorating. The velocity I was moving at felt freeing, as the air moved rapidly past me. I was feeling boisterous. To a human, moving this fast would be inconceivable; it was without effort that I moved over rocks, trees, and the slippery forest floor.

Bella was still securely entwined on my back, warming my cold skin. The wind whipped her scent behind me, but her arms were around my neck and so I was able to continue to breathe in her warm aroma. I was wondering what her thoughts were in these moments. All I could think about is how I was able to hold her, clutch her to my chest, and not harm her when we were in the meadow. How her scent enticed my hungry desires to bring her warm lips to mine. Maybe I could? If I were to use just the right amount of pressure, I wouldn't harm her. It had taken us hours to reach the meadow going at Bella's pace, and within minutes we were at the road, next to her truck.

"Exhilarating, isn't it?" I asked, elated.

She didn't move or say anything. Her grip was just as secure as if I were still running. I waited. Still, she didn't even make a sound, though I knew she was alive, I could feel her pulse and smell her breath. I waited another second, and still, nothing.

"Bella?" I asked, concerned now.

She finally spoke, though her voice sounded strained, "I think I need to lie down," she panted.

Instantly I was nervous. After the whole day in the meadow, did I finally make a mistake and not realize it? I was apologetic then, "Oh, sorry."

I stood there, still, waiting for her to release her grasp on me. Honestly, I didn't want her to, but my insatiable desire was instantly dissolved at my growing panic.

"I think I need help," she admitted.

I laughed under my breath, but it was because I was relieved, not because the situation was humorous. I placed my hands on her locked fingers and gently pulled them apart. I continued to hold on to her, and pulled her into my arms. I gazed into her eyes in that moment, never wanting to put her down. Her warmth, her smell, everything about her was begging me to feed; yet, I did not want to, my hungers were strictly about the love and adoration I felt for her. I thought about bringing my lips to hers in this moment, how she would inevitably wrap her arms around me once more, and embrace me back. Maybe this wasn't the best time though; she did seem a little faint. Slowly, not wanting to, but slowly, I lowered her to the ground, as gently as I could, like she was especially breakable; which she was. Now that she was no longer in my arms, I could concentrate on her well being without being distracted.

"How do you feel?" I asked, still anxious.

She looked like she couldn't focus, "Dizzy, I think."

From my years of medical schooling, I realized that she must have motion sickness. I didn't think of this before I made yet another mistake by throwing her on my back and running.

"Put your head between your knees." I insisted.

She obeyed, and lowered herself to the ground and gently placed her head between her knees, closing her eyes tightly. I moved closer to her, lowering myself to the ground, also. I sat beside her, thinking I might have damaged her. The thought sent sharp bristles of pain through my body. I stared at her for several minutes. She finally lifted her head, looking a little sick. Her eyes were still securely closed. She had the same expression on her face the day I found her practically laying on the ground, recovering from her dizzy spell after smelling blood in biology class.

"I guess that wasn't the best idea," I contemplated.

I thought back to the moment before we left the meadow. The thought of this hurting her never crossed my mind. I continued to stare at her, she was a little green, and her skin was beginning to lose all color.

"No, it was very interesting," she tried to sound affirmative. She couldn't fool me.

"Hah! You're as white as a ghost �C no, you're as white as me!" I exclaimed.

"I think I should have closed my eyes," she concluded.

"Remember that next time," I told her. Would there be a next time? Surely a dizzy spell would not prevent her from wrapping her arms and legs around me and enjoying a run would it?

"Next time!" she moaned.

I couldn't suppress a laugh at this point. The day had fared better than I could have expected, and even this wouldn't damper my mood.

"Show-off" she grumbled, though I know she wasn't really mad at me.

Her face was slowly beginning to gain back some of its color. Her eyes were still shut tightly; she was even straining to keep them that way. I couldn't hear what she was thinking, and one of the only ways to read her was to look into her deep soulful eyes, where I could usually decipher her thoughts. With them closed I had no outlet and I wanted to beg her to open them. I couldn't restrain myself, "Open your eyes, Bella," I whispered.

I had moved so I was only a few inches from her face now, breathing in her intoxicating scent. She opened her eyes then, and she looked stunned. She wasn't nervous though, I could read in her eyes that she was just as absorbed as I was by our closeness. Her eyes beckoned me to move closer.

"I was thinking, while I was running…" I hesitated.

Bella interrupted me, "About not hitting the trees, I hope."

"Silly Bella," I laughed, 'Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about."

"Show-off," she grumbled again.

I smiled, but glad she dropped it because I was instantly hungry for her.

"No," I whispered, "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try."

Slowly, I moved my hands to her face and held it securely in my palms. She stopped breathing then; worried I did something wrong, I hesitated, but she continued to stare at me with hunger in her eyes now. So many emotions raged through me at once, desire, passion, ecstasy, thirst. I began leaning closer to her, until our lips were only an inch apart. She closed her eyes. I paused when I could feel the electricity flowing between us already. Every centimeter I moved closer to her, a new emotion would flit through my body sending shivers of pleasure and pain down my frozen veins.

I was in control, I could feel it. I continued to lean in, until the very tips of my lips brushed lightly against her supple warm ones. I pressed a little harder to her lips until our lips were moving with each other, her sweet breath was enveloping me and her taste was like an explosion in my mouth, so much better than any blood I had ever tasted. I could hear her pulse hammering and feel her skin becoming warmer.

Our lips only parted for a second at a time, and each time she caught her breath. She was breathing heavily now. Suddenly, she gasped in pleasure and her arms came up around my neck. I embraced her back fiercely. She knotted her hands in my hair and pulled me closer. Her mouth was warm and inviting. She parted her lips breathing heavier. Her scent rushed through me and the monster inside me clawed up my throat.

I clenched my teeth and then I froze. She didn't let go, she continued to clutch herself to me. I didn't want to let go, I wanted to bring myself closer to her. I had never felt these feelings before. I couldn't let this continue, NO MISTAKES, I yelled at myself. My hands were still wrapped around her face, and I slowly, but forcefully, pushed Bella away. How could she have such a hold on me? She opened her eyes then, and she was breathing heavily.

"Oops," she said breathlessly.

"That's an understatement." I replied.

She was reading my face. I knew she could tell that I was feeling several different emotions. I refused to let her go, though. I didn't want to; I was fighting internally on whether I should kiss her again. My hungry desire was pounding through my body. Each electric shock made me want to clutch her closer. I would only have to move two inches to be back in her embrace.

"Should I…?" she asked, knowing I would understand her unasked question.

She tried to disentangle herself from me, but I wouldn't let her. Actually, I couldn't let her. I held her in place, refusing to let her go. I took in a few gulps of air and felt the fiery thirst burn my throat. I took in another breath and another. Each time it was getting easier to cage my thirst, with each breath my desire to kiss her grew.

"No, it's tolerable. Wait a moment, please," I begged, not wanting to ever let her go.

She stared into my eyes, surely reading the internal fight I was having. I was eager to bring our bodies back together. They fit so perfectly, but I couldn't make any more mistakes. If I were to hurt her now, I would surely wither and die. I continued to stare into her eyes. This kiss… it was the most pleasurable thing I had ever done. I smiled at her casually. I had caged all the beasts.

"There," I exclaimed.

"Tolerable?" she asked.

Tolerable? It was the most amazing experience I have ever had, couldn't she tell? I laughed loudly at the absurdity.

"I am stronger than I thought. It's nice to know." I explained.

"I wish I could say the same. I'm sorry," she replied with an impish grin.

I was high, excited, "You are only human, after all," I said playfully.

"Thanks so much," she said sharply.

I quickly stood up and offered her my hand, something that I had never done before, but after this afternoon, and after our kiss, I realized that contact with her was not something I should shy from. She looked at my hand in surprise, but reached up without any hesitation, bringing her hand to mine. The warmth was tremendously pleasurable. She wobbled on her feet, but I kept her hand to steady her, not wanting to let go. I was still a little worried about her.

"Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?" I asked playfully.

"I can't be sure, I'm still woozy," she replied, "I think it's some of both, though."

How amazing were the feelings I had. I felt so light hearted, like there was nothing in this world that could damper my good mood. I looked at her truck then, and remembered that she insisted on driving, "Maybe you should let me drive," I offered.

"Are you insane?" she protested.

"I can drive better than you on your best day," I teased, "You have much slower reflexes," I explained after she gave me a doubtful look.

"I'm sure that's true, but I don't think my nerves, or my truck, could take it."

"Some trust, please, Bella," did she really not think I could handle driving her truck? Was she that nervous I would harm her, after everything we went through today? I looked at her then, saw she was clutching something in her pocket, her key, no doubt. She tightened her lips, considering her options. She shook her head while grinning, her lips still tight, "Nope. Not a chance." She said.

I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. I couldn't believe she wouldn't let me drive. Did she still not fully trust me? She stepped to my side to walk around me and I watched her unbalanced step carefully, making sure I didn't need to catch her. I stuck my arm out and caught her around the waist, refusing to let her go.

"Bella, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight. Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk," I added playfully and chuckled.

"Drunk?" she scoffed.

"You're intoxicated by my very presence," I smiled at her, though it was me who was intoxicated by her presence.

"I can't argue with that," she admitted with a sigh.

I swear, in that moment, I might have felt my heart beat. She removed her hand from her pocket, holding the key. She raised her hand then, and opened it up and I watched the key fall. I snatched it up before it hit the ground, effortlessly.

"Take it easy �C my truck is a senior citizen" she muttered.

"Very sensible," I agreed.

"And are you not affected at all?" she asked me, a little pain in her voice, "by my presence?"

All the sensations from this afternoon flooded back into my body and I was instantly eager to hold her in my arms and reassure her. Unthinking, I bent down and touched my lips to her jaw, where I slowly traced a line from her ear down to her chin, knowing if I were to place my lips to hers at this moment, I wouldn't stop her next time she clutched me to her chest. She shivered in pleasure in that moment, and it sent electricity shooting through my body.

"Regardless," I whispered, "I have better reflexes."

I drove Bella's truck with ease. I kept to the speed limit, in no hurry to bring her back. While driving, I kept one hand securely in hers. The windows were rolled down and the breeze whipped her scent all around me. I turned the radio on and began singing along with a song that was playing. Bella's eyes never left my face, and I returned her gaze as often as possible.

"You like fifties music?" she asked.

"Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties, or the seventies, ugh!" I shuddered. "The eighties were bearable." I explained to her.

I realized I made a mistake when she asked, "Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?" but her face was soft.

"Does it matter much?" I smiled, hoping she wouldn't press the issue worried that she wouldn't like what she would hear.

"No, but I still wonder…" she frowned, "There's nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night."

"I wonder if it will upset you," I mused, hoping she would give me a hint of how old would bother her.

I stared into the sun then, and she didn't respond. I could tell that her face was still looking at mine. After several minutes she insisted, "Try me."

I sighed, turned my gaze on her, and realized I could never lie to her. Keeping secrets from her would be unbearable. Her gaze only made me want to tell her more than just my age. I turned and looked into the sun again, rainbows reflected off of every surface.

"I was born in Chicago in 1901." I paused, and glanced over to gage her expression. She showed no emotion on her face. My lips twitched at her fa?ade, but I continued, "Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen, and dying of the Spanish influenza." I explained.

She gasped and I turned to look at her, afraid I had said too much. I don't know why, but I continued, refusing to have secrets between us.

"I don't remember it well �C it was a very long time ago, and human memories fade." I tried to sift through my memories of that time, but they were dark and unfocused.

"I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It's not an easy thing, not something you could forget." I told her.

I wanted to tell her the truth, but some things, like how painful the transformation is, and how agonizing it could be, were not something I wanted to divulge quite yet.

"You're parents?" she insisted on more information.

"They had already died from the disease. I was alone. That is why he chose me. In all the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone."

"How did he…save you?" she asked.

There was no way I would explain the transformation process, so I tried to explain with as little details as possible, "It was difficult. Not many of us have the restraint necessary to accomplish it. But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of us…I don't think you could find his equal throughout all of history." I paused, "for me, it was merely very, very painful." And that was all I would say, if she were to ask anything more, I would refuse.

I stared at her then and could see the curiosity in her eyes, but she could tell that I wouldn't say anything more on this subject and didn't ask any more questions. Her expressions made me feel like I should explain why Carlisle turned me, "He acted from loneliness. That's usually the reason behind the choice. I was the first in Carlisle's family, though he found Esme soon after. She fell from a cliff. They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, though, somehow, her heart was still beating." I clarified.

"So you must be dying, then, to become…" She didn't say the last word, and I was grateful.

"No, that's just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice." I spoke of him with respect, "It is easier he says, though, if the blood is weak." The sun finally went below the horizon, and I gazed down the dark road.

"And Emmett and Rosalie?" She wondered.

She was curious about our family, and I would inevitably give her whatever she wished, "Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next. I didn't realize till much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme was to him �C he was careful with his thoughts around me," I rolled my eyes; like anyone, except Bella, could conceal their thoughts from me, "But she was never more than a sister. It was only two years later that she found Emmett. She was hunting �C we were in Appalachia at the time �C and found a bear about to finish him off. She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn't be able to do it herself. I'm only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her." I raised our hands and I brought them to her face where I brushed her cheek, to point out that after smelling her sweet blood, there is no way that carrying a bloody human for miles would have anything on the thirst I felt for Bella.

Bella looked at me then, "But she made it." She was looking for more answers.

"Yes," I whispered, "She saw something in his face that made her strong enough. And they've been together ever since. Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay in any given place. Forks seemed perfect, so we all enrolled in high school," I chuckled, "I suppose we'll have to go to their wedding in a few years, again." Which I will inevitably have to play the best man, again, I added mentally.

Bella continued to question me, now that I was being flippantly open with her, "Alice and Jasper?"

"Alice and Jasper are two very rare creatures. They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance. Jasper belonged to another…family, a very different kind of family. He became depressed, and he wandered on his own. Alice found him. Like me, she has certain gifts above and beyond the norm for our kind."

Bella interrupted me then, "Really? But you said you were the only one who could hear people's thoughts."

"That's true. She knows other things. She sees things �C things that might happen, things that are coming. But it's very subjective. The future isn't set in stone. Things change." I explained to her, hoping this bit of news wouldn't scare her off.

I suddenly remembered her vision of vampire Bella. I instantly became furious at myself, and clenched my teeth. I looked at Bella then, her eyes were intrigued, and I looked away before she could read my anger.

Bella pulled me from my distraction, "What kinds of things does she see?"

I wouldn't dare tell her about Alice's visions of her, so I settled on a story, "She saw Jasper and knew that he was looking for her before he knew it himself. She saw Carlisle and our family, and they came together to find us. She's most sensitive to non-humans. She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat they may pose."

I remembered Alice and Jasper showing up at our house. She knew all of our names and asked which room she could move into. I was out on a hunting trip when she first arrived, and she decided she wanted my room and packed all of my stuff up and put it in the garage. Bella's question pulled me from my musings; "Are there a lot of…your kind?" she looked surprised.

I tried to reassure her, "No, not many. But most won't settle in any one place. Only those like us, who've given up hunting people." I quickly looked in her direction, hoping I hadn't made yet another mistake. She didn't flinch so I continued, "can live together with humans for any length of time. We've only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived together for a time, but there were so many of us that we became too noticeable. Those of us who live…differently tend to band together."

"And the others?" she insisted on more information.

"Nomads, for the most part. We've all lived that way at times. It gets tedious, like anything else. But we run across the others now and then, because most of us prefer the North."

"Why is that?" she asked, and I realized I gave more information than I intended.

I parked her truck in her driveway then, and turned the truck off. I decided I wouldn't mention anything about the Southern Wars at this moment.

"Did you have your eyes open this afternoon?" I teased. "Do you think I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents? There's a reason why we chose the Olympic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world. It's nice to be able to go outside in the day. You wouldn't believe how tired you can get of nighttime in eighty-odd years." I mused.

"So that's where the legends come from?" she asked, interested.

"Probably," I smiled.

"And Alice came from another family, like Jasper?" Bella inquired.

She had so many questions, but I answered anyways, "No, and that is a mystery. Alice doesn't remember her human life at all. And she doesn't know who created her. She awoke alone. Whoever made her walked away, and none of us understand why, or how, he could. If she hadn't had that other sense, if she hadn't seen Jasper and Carlisle, and know that she would someday become one of us, she probably would have turned into a total savage." I explained to her.

Suddenly, her stomach made a rumbling noise. I suddenly realized that through the day I had forgotten to feed her! I was instantly angry at myself for not making sure she was taken care of.

"I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from dinner." And I was sorry.

She tried to play it off, "I'm fine really." But her stomach was still making hungry grumbles.

"I've never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forgot." I tried to explain, hoping she wasn't angry at me, like I was with myself.

"I want to stay with you." She admitted.

I wanted to stay with her too, very much so.

"Can't I come in?" I asked, hoping for an invite.

Her eyes sparkled then, like she never thought of this idea before, "Would you like to?" she asked, excitement in her voice.

"Yes, if that's all right." My excitement over powered me and in one second I was out the driver's side door, and opening the passenger's side.

I never wanted to leave her, and the feelings that were pulsing through me were extremely pleasant. Bella didn't flinch at my instantaneous movement.

"Very human," she complimented, sarcastically.

"It's definitely resurfacing," I teased.

Bella stepped out of the car and we slowly made our way to her front door. I walked closely beside her, reveling in her warmth and beauty. Bella glanced my direction several times, like she was checking to make sure I was still there. Before we arrived at her front door, I strode ahead of her to swipe her key from the eave and open the door for her. She began to walk in, but paused in the door frame, realizing something, "The door was unlocked?" she questioned me.

"No, I used the key from under the eave," I admitted to her, instantly realizing my mistake.

She had never used the key in front of me that she knew about. She stepped inside the house and turned to flip the porch light on. She stared at me dubiously and raised her eyebrows. I knew I had to tell her the truth.

"I was curious about you."

"You spied on me?" she said, with little inflection in her voice.

She hadn't convinced me she was angry, I knew I'd be forgiven, "What else is there to do at night?" I explained.

She turned away from me, and I quickly raced by her and entered the kitchen before she did. I sat in a chair at the kitchen table. Bella's eyes didn't leave mine for several moments. She finally looked away. I hated it when she looked away from me; I could no longer see inside her mind by means of her deep brown eyes. I watched her curiously. She rummaged through the fridge until she pulled something out. It smelt like tomatoes and oregano, blah. I watched her place the food onto a plate and put it in a microwave. She never took her eyes off the plate of food as it rotated in the microwave.

"How often?" she questioned.

"Hmmm?" I asked. I was distracted by my internal babbling.

She still didn't turn around when she spoke, like she knew she was able to hide things easier when I couldn't read her expressions. "How often did you come here?" she asked very softly.

"I come here almost every night," I admitted, hoping she would forgive me for being the peeping tom.

She whirled around then, the vortex of air she made sent her warm aroma all around me and I took her scent into my lungs. My throat ached dully. "Why?" she gasped.

"You're very interesting when you sleep." I suppressed a laugh, "You talk." I explained.

"No!" she gasped, with a little O of horror on her face.

I heard her pulse begin to hammer rapidly, and watched as the blood made its way swiftly up to her cheeks, coloring them red. She leaned into the kitchen counter, grasping it for support, I assumed. If she were to fall, I'd catch her. She didn't say anything else; her face was expressing many emotions, embarrassment, fury, and annoyance. I was immediately displeased by my actions, would she ask me to leave now?

"Are you very angry with me?" I questioned intently.

"That depends!" she said breathlessly.

I paused, waiting to hear her rebuttal.

"On?" I urged.

"What you heard!" she almost yelled.

Instantly, I was relieved that she wasn't mad at me sneaking in, that she was just angry because she was afraid I heard something she didn't want me to hear. I rushed to her side, taking her warm hands into mine, "Don't be upset!" I pleaded.

I lowered my face to hears, looking into her eyes. She tried to look away, but I distracted her, "You miss your mother," I whispered, "You worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it's less often now. Once you said, 'It's too green.'" I laughed, but I continued to hold her gaze, hoping she realized that I wasn't trying to offend her.

"Anything else?" she demanded.

I remembered the many nights I sat in her room and watched her sleep. How, when she said my name, it sent a jolt of pleasure through me.

"You did say my name," I confessed.

Bella sighed then, "A lot?" she asked.

I was suppressing a smile, "How much do you mean by 'a lot', exactly?"

She instantly looked mortified, "Oh no!" she hung her head, taking her gaze from me.

I heard Charlie's thoughts in that instant. He was just down the road from us. Before he arrived I wanted to let her know it was alright, that the many nights she said my name only made me love her more. I placed my arms around her, exerting the right amount of pressure, and pulled her to my chest tightly. I put my lips to her ear and whispered, "Don't be self-conscious. If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it." I admitted.

I heard Charlie pull into the driveway at that moment, and realized Bella heard it too. She froze in my arms and ascertained that maybe she wasn't ready to introduce us, after all.

"Should your father know I'm here?" I asked.

"I'm not sure…" she hesitated.

"Another time then…" and I released her and ran swiftly from the kitchen.

"Edward!" Bella called out to me.

I laughed softly then. Charlie placed the key in the lock at that moment and opened the door.

I had moved up the stairs and into Bella's bedroom with a quick motion that no human would have seen. Charlie stepped through the front door in that moment, "Bella?" he called out.

"In here" Bella responded a little breathless.

I heard her open the microwave, pull her dinner out, and pull a chair out to probably sit on. I heard Charlie's footsteps as he walked from the front door to the kitchen. I still had a difficult time reading Charlie's thoughts, though it was obvious what they were this evening; tired and hungry.

"Can you get me some of that? I'm bushed." Charlie asked.

I heard some scuffling on the floor, as if he were taking his boots off. I had to concentrate hard to see Bella in Charlie's mind. He watched her take her food to the counter to eat it while she was preparing food for him. She was eating like she had never had food before, like she was completely ravenous. I instantly scolded myself for forgetting to bring food to the meadow today.

"Thanks," Charlie said, and continued to watch Bella.

Charlie could tell there was something off about Bella; he just couldn't put his finger on it. He watched as she took large bites of food, rushing her meal.

"How was your day?" Bella rushed the words in between large bites of food.

Was she anxious to see me again? Is that why she was rushing? Charlie knew there was something up, but he still didn't say anything, "Good. The fish were biting…how about you? Did you get everything done that you wanted to?"

"Not really �C it was too nice out to stay indoors." She explained while taking another large bite of food.

"It was a nice day," Charlie agreed, and he continued to watch his daughter eat her food like she was a starving child from Ethiopia.

She had finished the rest of her food and gulped her milk down in a couple of chugs. I chuckled internally. I was standi