The Twilight Saga 5: Midnight Sun (Twilight #2) - Page 13

I weaved my way down my driveway while imagining all the ways I could bring myself closer to Bella. Just to lightly touch her hair, to hold her close to me like I did so carelessly after the accident, or to bring her warm lips to mine…I trailed off in thought as the fantasy went visual.

Enough, I ordered, though I was aching to feel the warmth of her rich skin. Enough.

When I reached the end of the drive I knew what to expect, though, the insults that continued at maximum capacity fissured my nerves.

Idiot! Jackass! Lunatic! I really hope you are happy! If I have to move again…, Rosalie was seething belligerence. The vivid image she thrust on my mind was my Vanquish being catastrophically driven off a ravine.

I sighed and shook my head trying to dispel her thoughts, but after living with her for this long I'd learned to hum a tune or ignore her internal muttering, even when she was screaming at the top of her mental lungs and making the visual pictures more devastating.

After watching all of the possible ways she would crash my car over and over in her head I realized that it didn't matter.

It was Bella who was ultimately significant now. Her silent thoughts �C how warm and trusting she is.

Ah, I thought gleefully. My mental distraction worked perfectly.

I sat in the car, my fingers still wrapped tightly on the steering wheel as I thought about going back. I inhaled deeply at her scent that was still lingering in the car. White hot knives cut down my throat, but I embraced it, content that I was satiated for the moment.

A thought disrupted my internal blitheness.

Boy, do you have some explaining to do.

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"Emmett," I muttered, though I was grateful he had forgiven me of my actions so quickly. His low chuckle came from inside the house as he over took Jasper's knight in a game of chess.

I had to deal with this now. I couldn't go see her until my family was resolved, though, honestly, I should never go back. Her life would be the better for it �C she would have a life to live.

Carlisle's car was parked next to Rosalie's M3. I sighed in relief. If he was here, then maybe Rosalie would be on her best behavior.

More thoughts filled my mind bringing me back to the present. It was time to confront my family about the secrets that Bella logically pieced together.

I finally persuaded myself into going inside to speak with Carlisle.

Alice's thoughts interrupted my anxiety filled mind.

I hope you've reconsidered your plans for the weekend. I love her, too. Her internal cry was a lament.

I twitched slightly under the impact of the earlier vision. I tried to expunge her thoughts from my mind as my stomach began to twist in pain.

Absurd �C it was a lie, impossible. I would never hurt Bella…would I? Bella…in my arms…cold, white, dead… The thoughts were inconceivable. Alice was blind or confused somehow, the vision insurmountable.

The pain swiftly took me under – it felt like my body was burning from the inside out, almost as if the pain of her death would literally make me combust. I gave Alice a grave look.

"You're wrong." My tone was hollow.

Please, Edward! Alice begged.

I could feel every degree of love she had for her. She doesn't even know her �C her love was nonexistent compared to mine.

I sighed.

But doesn't everyone have that reaction to her? Hadn't I? Didn't I risk everything just to save her life so I could observe her; watch her sleep at night?

My need to speak with Carlisle was growing at an immense rate. He would have answers. He always knew what to do.

I marched past Alice where she was sitting on the stairs, her face rested on her hands, her lower lip jutting out slightly from her upper. I ignored her pouting, knowing it was because of her vision that was bringing her into this trepidation. And her vision was wrong.

I clenched my teeth together as I spoke, making my words almost incoherent "I'm strong."

I'm brave enough, I tried to convince myself.

"I won't hurt her, Alice. Your vision is impossible!"

I'm begging you, she continued to plead.

Her anguish was beginning to weigh on me. I shoved her mental insight from me viciously. How could I possibly bring death to her?

I wanted �C no �C I needed Bella. The necessity to hold her, my hunger…my thirst for her was exponentially growing at a sizable intensity. But, it wasn't my thirst that I was craving the most; I desired for her, longed for the face, the voice, that accompanied the fragrance.

I moved swiftly up the stairs so quick, in fact, a normal human wouldn't have seen me.

Slowly opening the door to my potential sentencing I entered Carlisle's office. His face was so close to the book he was reading that his nose was nearly touching the pages.

Association between PPI's and spontaneous bacterial peritonitis…His eyes moved up the page until they left the book flowing upward towards my face which was perfectly mirrored in his eyes. Guilt was resolutely displayed across my face.

I looked away.

Esme, joyfully flitting around the room, was re-organizing the bookshelves in effort to make room for new books Carlisle had just purchased. She caught my glance when I entered the room.

Edward!She beamed.

She didn't consciously think her name but to some extent of reasoning her mind was radiating the essence of Bella's presence that always accompanied me. The fond attachment she had formed for Bella, without ever meeting her, brought a hazardous new light upon being with her. If it were up to Esme, Bella would already be transformed into a vampire. My obvious love was enough for her to wish this often, though she would never voice her desires.

Each second I grew closer to Bella was another second that was being taken from her life. My thirst. My love for her. Which one was stronger? Would they intermingle and make her a vampire?

Risky. My thought was fleeting because I knew that I wouldn't leave her alone and that I wouldn't change her. What was the future, her fate? The internal struggle of her inevitable future began nagging at me almost as bad as Rosalie thought's that were now blaring in my head.

This wasn't something I could run from. Maybe Carlisle would have the answer. The strong desire for advice wasn't approaching quick enough. I was growing impatient at all the courtesies.

Hello Edward. His mental tone showed no inflection that he knew of Bella's knowledge.

Good; Rosalie kept her trap shut, another surprise on top of the already growing pile of shocking news that I seemed to be attracting. Would this news, this information, prove my malefaction?

Now that I was standing here, ready to concede my guilt to him, I didn't know what to say, speech wouldn't form. How do you tell someone you deeply care for, more than that, your creator…your father that you betrayed their family �C my family �C for a mere human girl?

But to me she wasn't just ahuman girl – she was thehuman girl, the only one that ever truly mattered.

Carlisle read my expression, his thoughts scattering in every direction, dancing in his mind before he settled on being alarmed at my facial expression. My calm fa?ade must have faded.

What is it Edward? What is wrong? Is Bella…his thoughts trailed off, but I knew the direction they were heading.

Luckily, his concern for that subject was unnecessary.

For now.

"Carlisle, I…she…" I hesitated, pausing.

I didn't know how to tell my family, those who loved me the most, that I was Judas made flesh. A betrayer.

Carlisle raised an eyebrow at my state of irresolution.

"Edward? Is everything all right?" he asked incredulously, bringing attention to our conversation.

Esme turned at his words, bringing her thoughts and concentration to the open dialog.

Ignoring their stares I continued to sway on the spot, standing there with my mouth halfway open like a gold fish out of water gasping for air. The words failed me.

Would this, of all things, break their faith in me? No one had so absolutely guessed our secret before, learned our truths. If my heart was alive, beating, I swear even a human would be able to hear it. There was only venom in my veins �C the one thing that would inevitably bring Bella to her death.

Death. No, this couldn't be the end. Her knowledge wouldn't condemn her, I refused. Would this be Carlisle's conclusion, just like it had been for the rest of the family? I would fight against them, if this is what they decided.

"Edward?" Esme prodded.

I had to tell them what she knew; no doubt Rosalie will make sure they were aware if I didn't confess this soon. It's better if they hear it from me, but still, the words wouldn't escape my lips. How do you confess a betrayal? It's much more difficult than I thought it would be.

Feeling guilty, Edward? Rosalie sneered mentally. What a surprise! I can't believe you. Once again I had to shove Rosalie's thoughts from my mind. The barrier was harder to put into place when my concentration was being pulled in so many directions.

Besides the aggressively hostile nature of Rosalie, everyone else was silent, the dead air making it evident that everyone was eavesdropping at this ultimate of pivotal moments, surely waiting to hear my betrayal, or ultimately deciding her fate for me. None of them dared to think it. Not now. Not after I had already fought so hard to keep her alive.

I inhaled a generous gulp of air.

Esme's anxious look continued to grow deeper.

What is it? Please tell us, she thought tentatively.

Only a brief second had passed before I finally bowed my head downward as if I were admitting a great shame and delivered the words I was terrified would hurt my family. Judas had nothing on me. I sunk into the nearest chair.

"Bella…well, she…she knows, Carlisle." I had never struggled with words like I did when Bella was involved.

His eyes grew wide, his thoughts in an uproar of intense confusion and concern.

Bella knows? About us? She knows about us? … "Edward, what is going on? Is everything okay? Should I be worried?" Carlisle's thoughts spilled from his mouth like a stream of water, so rapid I didn't have time to respond to one of them.

At the same time I brought my glance to his and he focused on my blameworthy expression. He observed my look and then reassured himself that I hadn't done something foolish. Boy was he wrong.

This all happened in a tenth of a second. My mind still hadn't fully comprehended all his thoughts.

Of course I shouldn't be worried, everything will be fine. Okay. Now, "what exactly does Bella know?" he asked, zealous.

I ignored his enthusiasm at the prospect of Bella knowing our secret. Was it an act? Surely my words would cut deeper in a minute. He hadn't really had time to settle on the thought.

"She knows everything about me!" About us, I amended internally. "She put the pieces together and I just…I couldn't keep lying to her." I figured the truth would be better than lies right now.

Honestly, I'm surprised he didn't tell her himself. Carlisle contemplated mentally. The way she has changed him…I can't describe it. She would be his perfect pairing. Why not change her? he murmured in thought.

Excellent, Esme beamed. Was she excited about this news too? Was this not the huge betrayal I thought it would be?

"She is the best thing that has ever happened to you, Edward." Carlisle cut into my thoughts. "I'm so glad she knows," he whispered softly to me. "It was to be expected. But now, maybe it's time to move to the next step."

My head snapped up.

Esme nodded in agreement.

"Next step?" I shouted. "Move to the next step?"

Was this the conclusion? An immortal life? I couldn't be responsible for such a brutal act. It felt like a brick was sliding down my throat into the pit of my stomach.

"You want me to what…ask her to die?" I shot up like a bottle rocket. "Ask her if she wished to be doomed to go to hell? Are you insane?"

The thought of her burning with the fiery thirst day by day or the first initial three days of begging for death as her veins burned with venom �C my venom �C nearly sent me over the edge.

I was hoping beyond hope that this would not come to some sort of vote like what nearly happened after I saved her from the van. To make her into the appalling creature that I am or bring on her early death…no, there is another option. There has to be.

I looked to Carlisle. If anyone's opinion mattered it would be his. He froze for just a fraction of a second and then sighed heavily. I studied him for a few seconds, apprehension etched into my face, easily reflected in his golden eyes. Also, I could see my face from two viewpoints perfectly. There it was, my pain jerking down the corners of my lips.

"I can't imagine hurting her, bringing her to her death."

"If it's a matter of self control…I can offer my services," Carlisle proposed.

"A vampire, forever frozen at seventeen…forever doomed to our existence." Carlisle flinched at my words. "I just can't…you can't! How can either of you possibly think her knowledge of our existence a good thing when this is the conclusion?" I shouted.

There were a few murmured agreements throughout the house. Jasper was quiet but thought the next step or death should be the only options. But, after Alice's request he seemed to try his best to keep his thoughts to himself.

"Who is to say she couldn't live out her mortal life?" I paused, chagrin obvious in my tone. "I haven't killed her." But I could. So easily.

But you haven't killed her, you even saved her life, I thought to myself, the little devil sitting on my shoulder. Not yet, I amended. The guilt was plainly splayed across my face.

Couldn't Carlisle tell I was scarcely clutching onto my humanity – just barely by my fingertips when I was around the sweet seduction of Bella's blood and her enticing pulse? Each second around her was like crawling through the desert and happening upon water that was poisonous. So seductive.

If being human is what you wish for her and you feel that you can't offer this…then maybe this is the time to leave. Carlisle offered as a choice. He saw me flinch and changed tact. I just don't want you to make a mistake by denying yourself your true mate by keeping her human. He spoke silently to me."If you wish to keep her human, then that is your decision. We will not demand her death, or her transformation." Carlisle added, trying to calm my frenzied nerves. At the same time he was letting everyone in the house know this was his final word. And they are to abide by it. No deaths, no transformations. The end. "You have amazing self control. I believe that you will make the right decision."

Shock. Yes, that was the emotion I was feeling; stunned, surprised, astonished…I looked up and stared at him incredulously.

Even if I did decide to change her, I wouldn't have the strength to stop myself from drinking her dry. Just thinking about the luscious taste on my lips sent a shiver of pleasure down my spine.

How could he possibly believe that this whole situation is a good idea? Dread flowed through my frozen veins as the thought of hurting the delicate flower of a girl, Bella, entered my mind. I tried to expunge the images that Alice had embossed into my brain, for they seemed to be coming to the surface at this conversation.

I wasn't the only one surprised and outraged by his responses to it all, how easily Carlisle just accepted this bit of news like he knew it was going to happen all along.

Rosalie, working on her car, had thrown a wrench down and walked away, muttering choice swear words under her breath. Jasper coughed – something a vampire would never need to do – while breaking part of the chess piece he was holding. He knew of the danger this could possibly cause us all.

Then there were those two thoughts that were unsurprised, actually elated. Alice, for obvious reasons, predicted this future. She loved Bella, human or vampire. Esme, who didn't care if Bella had four fingers and crossed eyes, was smiling at me. Her thoughts were content, pleased at this news, even though a sturdier Bella, in her mind, would be the better choice.

There was only one neutral thought. "Next time we'll use your chess set," Emmett muttered to Jasper. Though, I knew if it came to sides, he would choose Rosalie's.

Before I responded to Carlisle's words Esme's thoughts protruded into my head. I wonder when I can meet her.

I turned and gave Esme a withering look.

"Why are you guys doing this to me?" Derision was obvious in my voice. "If I stay with her…" I needed to leave her alone. She needs to live a mortal life, one that I can not offer her. "I could kill her." My face screwed up in pain at the word kill.

It's been months, Edward. She's still alive. You can do this, I have faith in you, Carlisle thought.

My hands were trembling slightly as fear pulsed through me. Faith, I scoffed. Esme approached me swiftly and embraced me, all fear flooded from my body at her gentle touch.

Carlisle approached me and Esme let go as he placed his hand on my shoulder and thought sympathetically; everything will be all right, son.

It was silent for a minute, as everyone let the news sink in.

"So, what did you tell Bella?" Carlisle asked, intrigued now. Our previous conversation was now in the distant past.

Everything I was doing seemed so human lately. I sank lower into the chair as if it were my only support after being deflated.

"I didn't tell her, Carlisle, she guessed. She guessed everything, even my little talent of reading minds!"

Carlisle's thoughts were incoherent with surprise; his words spiraled together and were muddled so I continued.

"I only filled in the blanks, which were not many. She is much more perceptive than I realized…" My voice trailed off and I slumped even lower into the chair. I had made so many mistakes.

I then remembered what she had told me about her trip to First Beach.

"Then her little friend Jacob Black…"

Before I could get another word out Carlisle already knew exactly what had happen.

Jacob…Black. Oh! "The Quileute's?"

I nodded.

Oh… I see. He chuckled."I never thought it would be their side to break the treaty! Oh, of course, I know it couldn't have been meant like that, surely he doesn't think the stories are true." he shook is head.

This house became silent, not a word or thought formed for several spiraling seconds. When the curtain of silent thoughts became louder then thoughts themselves, I finally looked up to try to interpret Carlisle's face since his mind had become nothing more than a bewildered mental humming. The astonishment on his alabaster face was humorous.

Before I could make my mouth move to ask the question I seemed to be asking more and more lately, what are you thinking, Carlisle began to chuckle at full volume. He was truly taken aback, but this news hadn't bothered him at all. His mind was stunned into silence as flashes of Bella went through – all from that almost tragic day with the van.

I couldn't take the ever-growing silence emanating off the walls.

"What?" I asked with irritation.

Carlisle shot Esme a look.

Go on,Esme thought while nodding to Carlisle to continue, as if he could read her thoughts. He finally spoke.

"How did she react?"

"She said, 'it doesn't matter' what I am," my teeth gritted at the memory, and then my expression softened when I remembered the tears that welled up in her eyes at my reaction. Another mistake.

"She won't tell anyone?" he asked.

"No. I trust her." At my look, he accepted my answer without a doubt.

"Edward, this cannot be a coincidence. There is a real change happening here." Carlisle chuckled once more.

Esme put her arm around Carlisle and a large grin gradually spread across her face. My parents were… happy, excessively, even. I hadn't predicted the conversation going in this direction at all.

I was given the impression that everything was happening very fast. The monster in me began backing into the darkest corners of my mind, gradually dissipating as I was becoming more and more human the more familiar I became with Bella.

What should I do? I know what I should do; it was a matter of what I was going to do.I knew what the answer should be. I need to leave her alone. Even if I can cage the monster for the time, it is not likely I can keep him caged forever. Yes, I have my family for support, but that won't stop me from accidently hurting her. I had to leave, as Carlisle suggested.

I placed my hand over my eyes and slouched even deeper in the chair. If I sunk down any lower I'd fall right off of it.

Then thought of her deep chocolate brown eyes looking at me with tears as I said goodbye made my un-beating heart ache. The memory of her tear stained face flashed across my mind.

Would she cry? If I left, would she even care? She shouldn't. I sighed. She really does embrace danger, or maybe the right word was Entice.

I thought about Alice's vision. I pinched the bridge of my nose at the recollection. The more I thought about it the harder it was for me to imagine being alone with her without breaking or damaging her. Why did Alice put these thoughts in my head? I don't want to hurt Bella, but I don't know how much more I could take!

Being in Bella's presence with the aroma, her warmth…so brave and trusting… not touching her was going to become a problem. Her skin – so soft…electric. I started imaging her warm and cradled comfortably in my arms – lightly touching her face and pulling my hands through her hair. Before I could get too deep into that daydream I had to make a decision and fast.

Regardless of what my decision should be, I was a selfish creature and refused to go. Leaving the girl isn't an option, I decided. She was a danger to herself and she needed me to protect her, I lied effortlessly.

I shook my head as I ultimately determined I was still going to take her to the meadow. I will give her the chance to see me for who I am, I promised myself. Maybe she would finally learn how dangerous I am and run away screaming.

I won't kill her, though. I love her. I tried to convince myself that love was enough. The love I felt for her was so exquisite it was nearly pain because I knew there were only two options left for her now.

No, those won't be her only options. I will make this work. Three options. She could grow old and live out her life, but with me in tow.

Only a few seconds had passed during my reprieve. Carlisle and Esme looked fixedly at me. Their confidence in me was overwhelming. They honestly believed in me, trusted that I wouldn't hurt her. Maybe Judas did have the corner on the betrayal market.

As I saw the conviction in their faces, something deep inside of me settled. I stood up, surveyed their loving faces and the inner workings of my brain and my non-beating heart finally accepted her fate. Option three.

She will live, I'll look after her and she will live, I determined. As long as I was around, no one would ever harm her because I would break them limb from limb if they even attempted, or even if they possibly thought it. Her vampire protector. Forever.

"It seems I can't stay away from her." I grimaced, but deep inside I was glowing.

I don't want him to stay away from her; he's been a different person since she came into his life,Esme thought cheerfully.

Carlisle grinned, his thoughts in sync with Esme.

I sighed, but the sound wasn't as pained as before. It was almost…joyous.

Striding swiftly from the room I realized it was no longer silent in the house. I could hear faint mutterings from Rosalie. Instantly I shoved her constant jeering from my mind.

Deep down, Rosalie's problem with Bella really was pure jealousy. She hated that Bella was human because she wanted to be human. But I thought her warm, trusting humanness was Bella's best quality.

Edward!Alice bellowed from her head while skipping up the stairs towards me.

The cloudy, blurry vision from earlier today was instantly clear. No longer did she see Bella's lifeless form lying in the bracken of the forest floor. My eyes no longer glowed that ominous red.

When she reached me at the top of the stairs she grinned widely while practically jumping on me to wrap her tiny arms around my neck.

"Thank you, Edward!" Alice was jubilant.

I nodded and returned her hug, releasing her quickly because I was on a mission.

Have fun at Bella's. I suppose you won't tell her hi for me, will you?

For the first time since I entered the house this afternoon, my lips twitched up into a smile, completely opposite from my previous grimace. My stomach was doing back flips at the thought of being with her again.

I couldn't stand being away from her any longer.

I dashed through the forest towards her house as if someone was lighting a fire beneath my feet. As I took off I heard faded thoughts from Alice.

I wonder what happened to change the vision? I hope Edward starts letting me hang out with her. Just two more days…She was counting down. Then I saw images of her dressing a blushing Bella up and playing with her hair like she was a doll.

I rolled my eyes, but instantly craved for this to come true.

I was sitting in the rocking chair in Bella's room. Her warm delicious scent was swirling around me and I was sucking it slowly into my lungs with each breath. I was willing myself to stay away from her. A feat much harder than one would realize.

Tonight, she was not sleeping soundly. I watched as she tangled herself into the blankets early on in the evening.

I stood. Realizing I was unable to help her, I sat. The chair was my prison, holding me in my seat. She was the dessert across the table from a kid who had to eat broccoli. The temptation would never go away, yet each second I grew stronger against my will to rush over and hold her. I couldn't allow myself to do something so foolish. It was about her now. What she wants, what she needs. I had to toss my selfishness away as best I could, even though my presence was selfish enough.

She tossed again. I got up once more, my hands reaching out like I could help. My touch was too cold…wrong. I seated myself back into my prison.

I sighed. With the quick intake of air the burning persisted in my dry throat. Each breath brought me pleasure and torture. Mainly torture, though her scent reminded me of how alive she is.

"Edward…" she mumbled in her sleep.

This was not the first time this evening that she murmured my name in her sweet magical voice. Each sound or movement was watched by me as she continued to tangle herself in the sheets.

I couldn't help but worry that she wasn't having a good dream. I was a monster after all.

She woke a few times in the night, startled from her dream �C or nightmare �C but I was stealthy enough to hide. She never caught me but I wondered what she would think if she did. Would she finally scream? Would she shriek at the sight of the peeping tom that I had become? Would she turn her deep gaze towards me and beg me to leave and never come back?Anguish fell over me at the thought. This must be why I continued to hide every time I saw her eyes flutter.

She tossed again, holding her pillow tightly while a small sigh escaped her lips.

"Edward…mmmmm."

Once again my heart leapt at the sound of my name on her breath.

As the night progressed she settled into a deeper sleep, finally calm and unmoving. In the earlier hours of the morning I saw her shudder and watched as goose bumps arose on her skin.

Without thought I was standing, walking over to her, leaning down, hand out stretched before my mind finally caught up with my actions. Indecision was deep in my thoughts.

Another breath.

More fiery thirst.

I wasn't sure if it was the monster or my protective side, but without thinking I reached out to unravel her blanket to cover her. As I slowly moved the blanket over her I accidently touched her arm. Or was it an accident?

It was if a million little electrodes sent pleasant shocks down my spine. I closed me eyes to take in her aroma.

She was soft…warm.

I quickly held my breath but realized that if I were going to stay with her that I had to overcome my thirst, my ever growing desire to crush her to my body and dig my teeth deep into her neck.

Another breath.

My mouth was instantly full of venom. The monster inside of me was clawing at my chest bones, trying to break free of my body and drink the most delicious blood that ever existed. I grabbed at my chest trying to push the monster back in when suddenly I felt something vibrate. It was my phone.

Alice. I swallowed the pool of venom pouring into my mouth.

Leaping out of her window I answered the phone. I opened my mouth to speak but before I could say hello Alice began pleading in her bell voice.

"Edward! Please!"

My hand automatically met the bridge of my nose. She was my favorite and the most irritating of my family.

She continued without pause.

"I keep getting flashes of you killing Bella! If you kill her I will be very upset. I haven't even had the opportunity to talk to her," her voice was petulant.

I gritted my teeth and breathed in the light morning air around me. The fresh air cleared my head making the monster retreat. How had I let things get out of hand? Why did I have to put my hand in the cookie jar?

"Alice," I breathed.

She interjected.

"Please, just be careful, Edward! Your future has been changing erratically…I never know what is going to happen with you anymore." I could almost hear her pout.

I sighed because she was right. The easy flow of my future had taken a wild spin and even I couldn't tell her what my plans were from day to day anymore.

"I won't hurt her, Alice," I said with chagrin.

"You better not!" It was a command. "I'll see you soon." She hung up the phone.

I groaned. Was I really that close? I didn't think I was. Looking back up at her window I decided it was okay for me to check on her �C just one more time �C tonight.

Her small chest was moving up and down evenly along with her steady breath. She was still sound asleep. Safe. Her protector kept her free from danger.

But didn't protect her from himself, I growled internally. I was going to have to work on that.

The light of a new day began to peak over the tops of the trees, sending blue tints across the grey clouds that accompanied the sky.

My mind was racing around with what this new day would bring me as I was soaring through the forest at a ferocious velocity back towards home. The questions I would ask her…the responses I would receive. To just dive in and understand her mind, to know what she was thinking.

My thirst instantly became secondary to her knowing mind. My curiosity was achin